The Real Cost of Incivility: How Everyday Behaviour Impacts Performance
We often think of incivility as something dramatic, shouting in a meeting, rude emails, or public put-downs. But in truth, most incivility in the workplace is quiet. It’s the sigh in response to a new idea. The email that goes unanswered. The colleague who’s interrupted one too many times.
These moments may seem small, but their cumulative effect is enormous. Left unchecked, they shape the emotional climate of an organisation, eroding trust, reducing creativity, and slowly pushing good people away.
The Hidden Toll of Everyday Disrespect
A recent Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) survey found that 25% of UK employees — around 8 million people — have experienced workplace conflict in the past year. CIPD+1
Among those, the most common reported behaviours included being undermined or humiliated (48%), shouted at / heated arguments (35%), and verbal abuse or insults (34%)
The numbers are sobering, but the real story lies in the invisible costs:
Reduced cognitive bandwidth: When people feel disrespected, their mental energy shifts from creativity and problem-solving to self-protection.
Eroded collaboration: Trust is the oxygen of teamwork. When incivility creeps in, people stop sharing ideas freely for fear of judgment.
Lost engagement: It’s hard to bring your best self to work when you feel unseen or undervalued.
A single sarcastic comment might only take seconds to say but it can take weeks to repair the damage it causes.
Why It’s Often Unintentional
Most incivility isn’t born from malice. It’s a symptom of stress, habit, or cultural blind spots. A manager under pressure might become curt without realising it. A team might normalise humour that excludes certain voices.
This is what we call “Unaware Civility” — the first stage in The Civility Gap Model™. At this stage, individuals and organisations are unaware of how their communication style or behaviours affect others. Awareness-raising and reflection are key starting points to move forward.
The good news? Once awareness begins, transformation follows.
How Leaders Can Start Changing the Culture
Model micro-respect.
Civility isn’t about grand gestures — it’s about consistent small ones. Saying thank you. Acknowledging contributions in meetings. Listening fully before responding. These micro-moments of respect are contagious.
Normalise feedback.
Create spaces where people can safely say, “That comment didn’t sit well with me.” Constructive feedback should be an act of care, not conflict.
Check your communication climate.
Ask yourself: How do people feel after leaving a meeting with me? Energised, or diminished? The emotional residue we leave behind often speaks louder than our intentions.
Recognise and repair.
When we get it wrong — and we all do — a sincere apology is one of the fastest ways to restore trust. “I realise that came across as dismissive. I’m sorry — that wasn’t my intention.” Simple. Powerful. Human.
Civility Is a Performance Strategy
At its heart, civility isn’t about being “nice.” It’s a performance strategy. Teams that feel respected are more innovative, more loyal, and far more productive.
Respect fuels engagement. Engagement fuels results.
If your organisation is serious about performance, start with culture. Start with how people treat one another in the small moments that define the everyday.
Because when civility rises, so does everything else.
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